


AKA Seventy Seven Days

by freefallvertigo



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Nightmare, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5266310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freefallvertigo/pseuds/freefallvertigo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica wakes up from yet another nightmare about her time with Kilgrave, and Trish is there to comfort her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AKA Seventy Seven Days

**Author's Note:**

> Tw: Rape mention.

_"Smile, Jessica."_

_I didn't want to smile. I wanted to rip his god damn head off his god damn shoulders and shove it up his ass. But as soon as the words left his mouth, I felt an uncontrollable urge to bare my teeth and curl the corners of my lips upwards. Just because he told me to. My fingers trembled at the amount of energy it took to keep trying to fight this battle every day, and I'd started to wonder if it was even worth it anymore - if I should just give up and give in. After all, I knew there was no escaping this. There was no escaping the monster that was Kilgrave. If he told me to smile, I'd smile. If he told me to jump, I'd jump. And if he told me to kill someone, then I'd damn well kill someone. He literally held my life, and the lives of everyone around us, in his greedy little hands._

_Kilgrave grinned, and I wanted to be sick all over his obnoxiously purple suit. But I just kept smiling. "There's a good girl." He reached out his hand and rested his palm on my cheek. I swear every time he touched me it killed me just a little bit more, but I couldn't even flinch as he ran his thumb over my lip and stared at me with all the hunger of some cannibalistic predator. The words he said next were the very words I dreaded to hear him say every day: "You want to come to bed now, don't you Jessica?"_

_No._

_"Yes."_

_And just like that, the only thing in the world that I wanted was to follow Kilgrave to our - to **his** bed. My feet moved as though they were being controlled by invisible strings; as though I was just a puppet and Kilgrave was the puppet master. My hands shook, and my cheeks grew sore from smiling, but the tiny voice in the back of my head that begged me to turn around and run did nothing to diminish the overwhelming impulse I felt to climb onto the silk sheets with the man I believed to be the devil himself. And so I did. I lay motionless on the bed with my head on the pillow and let Kilgrave climb on top of me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to break down and cry, but soon after meeting me, Kilgrave had forbidden it. In the bedroom, at least. Apparently my lack of consent was something of a mood killer._

_"Stop smiling. Kiss me."_

_I kissed him. I didn't want to, I knew I didn't want to, but I also did. Even so, every second that our lips made contact was another second I wished I was dead, or that he was dead. Or both. And then his hands were on my hips and on my legs and every fibre in my body burned with the desire to flee. Kilgrave broke off the kiss, and I'd have been happy about it if I hadn't known what was coming next._

_"You know what I want you to do now, don't you Jessica?" He shrugged off his blazer and loosened his tie, and I felt my heart beating painfully against my chest like some trapped animal beating at the bars of a cage. But I nodded. I knew exactly what he wanted. "Wake up. Wake up, Jess." I frowned, because when he spoke, it wasn't his voice I heard, and it wasn't the words I had expected him to say._

_"Wake up!" I knew that voice. I'd know it anywhere. Suddenly, the silk sheets and the floor to ceiling windows began to fade away, along with the priceless art and unnecessarily expensive décor, until all that was left was Kilgrave's devilish grin. And then that, too, was gone._

I shot upright and went straight for his neck, closing my fist around it with an iron grip. But when I finally came to my senses, and saw a flash of long blonde hair and deeply concerned green eyes, I realised instantly what had happened. "Shit. Trish." I pulled my hand back, at which point Trish sucked in several lungfuls of air with her hand on her neck. "I'm so sorry, are you all right?" I switched on the lamp beside me to get a better look at the damage I'd done, and while there was a noticeable red mark where I'd grabbed her, she didn't seem to be too hurt. _Thank god._

"I'm fine." She breathed. And then, of all the things she could have done in that situation, she laughed. "Next time I'll just throw a shoe at you and let you choke that."

"I'm sorry, I - What are you even doing in here?" I glanced at the clock. "It's the middle of the night, you have work in the morning."

Trish wrung her hands. "I know, it's just..." She glanced down at her lap. "I don't want you to laugh."

I rolled my eyes. "I'd never laugh at you, Trish. You know that." While we did have our differences, and we didn't always agree on everything, I wouldn't ever dream of laughing at Trish. She was my only friend. The only person I cared about in the world.

"Well, I like to come in and check on you now and then. I know how hard it's been for you since... Since everything that happened, and I know you have trouble sleeping. I just like to make sure you're okay, which is silly because you're more than capable of taking care of yourself and-"

"Trish." I cut her off mid-ramble, and despite the all too vivid and all too horrifying nightmare I'd been having just a moment ago, I found myself smiling. I didn't know how she did it, but she always managed to pull me out. "Thank you."

She smiled right back and wiped the tears from my face with her hand. I hadn't even realised I'd been crying. _Well, shit._ I thought. _That's embarrassing._

"Were you dreaming about him again?" She asked, this time without a smile. Trish knew how sensitive a subject this was for me, and even though I always maintained that I preferred not to talk about it, I was secretly grateful that I had someone who cared enough to ask. And maybe it was because I was tired, and maybe it was because I felt guilty about almost killing her, but right then - for whatever reason - I decided I finally wanted to open up to her. 

"It's less of a dream and more like a memory. The memory changes every night. Tonight..." I took a shaky breath and wished I was saying this with a bottle of hard liquor in my hands. "Tonight I was remembering one of the countless times he made me have sex with him." I confessed while choking back a sob.

"Jess..." Voice laced with sympathy, Trish took one of my hands in both of hers and squeezed. I doubted she knew what else to say or do. 

"I hope to god you never know that feeling, Trish. That feeling of complete vulnerability and helplessness. Even in death he can still get to me; he still controls me." I wasn't sure why I was baring my soul to her, but once I started it seemed impossible to stop, and Trish was just so easy to talk to. It was a quality I both admired and despised.

"No. He doesn't control you anymore, Jessica. Nobody does. He's dead, remember? He got hit by a _bus_." She lowered her head slightly so that I would meet her eyes. "You killed him." Everything she said made perfect sense. I knew he was dead, anyone would be after what had happened, and yet I still found myself checking every face in every room to make sure that he wasn't there. And even then, I'd glimpse an expensive suit or a mess of brown hair and I'd be right back there with him all over again, and he'd be whispering into my ear all the things we were going to do together.

"I count the days, you know? Since he died. Since I've been...free." Even saying the word felt wrong. I wasn't free. I didn't know whether I'd experience freedom ever again. "Seventy seven days. That's how long it's been. And every single one of those days, he's haunted me." I sighed. "Maybe it'd just be easier if-"

It was Trish's turn to cut me off. "Don't finish that sentence."

"Why not? You know it's true, Trish. I can't live my life after what he did, I'll never stop being afraid, I'll never stop being a victim. His victim."

"Yes, you will. Because you're Jessica god-damn Jones. Jessica Jones who can punch through walls and has been saving me since we met. And maybe this is a selfish reason for wanting you to live, but I need you. You're all I have, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without you." I wasn't used to Trish being so emotional or honest with me, so I was rendered momentarily speechless. Luckily for me (sort of), she wasn't done. "You're the good guy, Jess. Good guys don't lose. _You_ don't lose. And listen, you probably feel alone after what he did to you, like no one will ever understand. Hey, maybe they won't, but I'll try my best, and I'll always be here for you. Because you're my family. Because I love you."

Trish waited expectantly for my reply, but I didn't know what to say. This wasn't how our conversations usually went, least of all the part where either of us says _I love you._ I wanted to say it back, I really did, because it was true. I did love her. In fact, she probably didn't realise exactly how much I loved her, but it just wasn't in my nature to voice my emotions; to let people get too attached to me and vice versa.

"All right." That was the only pathetic response I found myself able to muster. Thankfully, at this point Trish was more than used to my inability to express my feelings, and if you'd have asked me, I'd have said she was probably pretty good at translating what I said into what I really meant. That's if the smile that took over half her face was anything to go by. Then, she climbed on top of the covers next to me and put her arm around my shoulder. Neither of us needed to say anything else, because it'd all been said, and because we knew each other too well for words to mean that much.

And so Trish stayed with me all night, and if I hadn't eventually allowed myself to fall back to sleep in her arms, I would have known that she stayed awake the entire time to make sure he didn't get to me again.


End file.
